Beach Jokes

These beach jokes are about summer and particularly going to beach to have fun. These funny beach jokes sometimes people call them ocean jokes. Yet, we prefer to name them beach jokes according to their meanings density only about beaches and going to the beach. Well, wish you great moments sharing these really hilarious beach jokes with your friends and family. Enjoy!

Beach Jokes

Three men are walking along the beach of a tropical island when they encounter a lone mermaid. The mermaid seems friendly, and the men are amazed at seeing this beautiful woman, so they strike up a conversation with her.
Eventually, the first man asks “Have you ever been kissed before?”
“No,” responds the mermaid. So the first man kisses her, and she enjoys it.
The second man then asks “Have you ever had your breasts fondled before?”
“Oh, my, no!” says the mermaid, clearly embarrassed. The second man then convinces her to allow him to fondle her breasts, and she enjoys it also.
Finally, the third man says to the mermaid “have you ever been fucked before?”
“Oh, goodness, no!”, the mermaid says, her face bright red from embarrassment.
The third man responds, “Well, you are now, the tide’s out.”*

A sad, depressed guy is walking along the beach… Suddenly he hears a booming voice from above, and it yells, “DIG!”
Confused, the man stops and he hears the voice again, this time louder. “DIG!”
So he immediately falls to his knees and starts digging in the sand. Suddenly he hits something solid. A buried chest. “OPEN!” Yells the booming voice.
So the man opens the chest to find hundreds of thousands of dollars inside. “CASINO!” Booms the voice.
So the man runs off the beach, flags down a cab and tells the driver to head to the nearest casino. After 20 minutes the cab arrives. “ENTER!” Booms the voice.
The man enters the casino. “ROULETTE!”
So the man heads straight to the roulette table and awaits further instruction. “RED 21!”
The man then puts the entire contents of the chest on red 21. The croupier spins the wheel and the result is black 4. The booming voice yells “FUCK!”

A guy dies and wakes up on a beach…Nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. All of a sudden, Satan comes up to him. “Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me.” he says. The guy walks along the beach, has a few drinks with a nice girl. He walks over a hill, when he sees a hole in the ground, full with tormented people, flames rising up from the hole. The guy runs towards the beach until he finds Satan. “Hey, I found this hole and all these people are being tormented… What´s that about?” “Oh,” Satan says, “that´s for the Christians, they want it that way.”

A girl with no arms or legs was on a beach… …As a man walked pass her she started crying. The man asked, “Whats the matter, dear?” The girl replied with “I’ve never been hugged before.” So the man hugs her and the girl starts crying again. The man asks “Whats wrong now?” The girl replies with “I’ve never been kissed before.” So the man kisses her and the girl starts crying yet again. So the man asks, “Whats the matter now?” The girl replies with, “I’ve never been fucked before.” So the man picks her up and throws her into the ocean and says “You’re fucked now.”

A husband and wife find a bottle on the beach…the wife picks it up and a genie pops out.
“Madam, I will grant you three wishes,” speaks the genie.
The wife is jumping with joy.”Okay, I wish we were billionaires…and I wish we lived in the biggest mansion in Beverly Hills.”
They are transported to a beautiful mansion that is filled with diamonds and gold.
“Madam, for your final wish?” Asks the genie.
The woman looks at her husband and smiles, “I wish my husband would give me the best foot massage in the world, every time I asked him too.
She asks her husband for a foot massage and he instantly begins to massage his wife’s feet. When he is finished, the man picks up the bottle, rubs it, and the genie again appears.
“Sir, I will grant you three wishes,” speaks the genie.
“I wish that all the cotton candy in the world were gone, forever,” the man says.
The genie assures him it is done and the mans wife begins to scream at him for wasting a wish.
“Second,” says the husband, “I wish my wife craved cotton candy every minute of everyday.”
The wife is still screaming but then she starts demanding cotton candy.
“Sir, your final wish?” Asks the genie.
The husband looks at his wife and smiles, “I wish my d*ck tasted like cotton candy.”

6 year old on a nude beach…A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why. She told her son, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.” The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger “units” than his dad. His mother replied, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.” Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, “Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.”

A Life Guard is walking along a beach…A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. “Help, shark! Help!” he cries.
The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value.
Beach better have my money.

Have you enjoyed this amazing bundle of beach jokes? Of course yes! Feel free to check also:

Beach Pick Up Lines

Beach Puns

Practical Jokes

April Fools Jokes