One Liner Jokes

Conventionally, one liner jokes are that kind of jokes which make jokes even funnier and shorter, in comparison with short jokes or funny jokes that we have already covered. Jokesful, will provide you today with the most rated, funniest, and the shortest one liner jokes on the entire Internet. We agree that one liner jokes are easier to spell and tell people about, and we agree also that they are way funnier than the ordinary jokes.

In today’s thread, you will find the best one liner jokes, that are in written form as well as image form and video. Enjoy!

One Liner Jokes Videos

One Liner Jokes Photos

One Liner Jokes 6 One Liner Jokes 5 One Liner Jokes 4 One Liner Jokes 3 One Liner Jokes 2 One Liner Jokes One Liner Jokes 1

One Liner Jokes

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some a$$hole.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Take my advice — I’m not using it.

God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?

When in doubt, mumble.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

Treat Two-faced people like mushrooms. Keep them in the dark and feed them shit.

I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests.

What’s the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

There are two rules for success: 1) Don’t tell all you know.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.

Good women are found in every corner of the earth. Unfortunately earth is round.

I don’t trust joggers. They’re always the ones that find the dead bodies. Just sayin’.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

Today I will be as useless as the “g” in lasagna.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

Did you know a day on mercury lasts for 1,408 hours?
Same as a Monday on earth.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

Promises are like babies Fun to make , but hell to deliver.

Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Whenever I pass someone texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window.

I would lose weight, but I hate losing.

LSD causes users to lose weight. Obviously. You can’t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

I sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I shit on?”

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

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