Redneck Jokes

If you’re into redneck jokes, this is the place to be. Whereas, Jokesful provides you the absolutely hilarious redneck jokes which make our redneck the easiest target around, if you already pointed out ones. At any rate, we agree that redneck jokes are one of the funniest jokes ever, because they are really hilarious.

Redneck jokes

You know you might be a redneck when:

You see a “No crack” sign and you pull your pants up.

You see your farts as your best jokes.

The dog can’t help gagging whenever he sees you eat.

You finally get to cutting the grass and find a car.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Your family tree is just one long trunk with no branches.

Your beard attracts birds.

You took out your toothpick only for wedding pictures.

Fast food is hitting a possum at 80 mph.

You’ve at least once hit a deer with your car because the food store was already closed.

You’ve ever had the thought rat traps made acceptable gifts.

A night trip to the bathroom involves mud boots.

People hear you coming in your car quite a long time before they get to see you.

You have lard on your bedside table.

You had to ditch your back seat bench so all your children could fit in.

Sixth grade is senior year.

You have a really bad fall and the one thing you save is your beer.

You had to buy a VCR because all the wrestling matches are on when you’re at work.

You take your garbage to the dump and come back with more than you brought there.

They banned you from the zoo because you distress the monkeys.

You keep seeing your neighbors on Jerry Springer.

You know you might be a redneck woman if:

There’s a spit cup on your bedside table.

You have more than one fur coat – all home made.

When something should be stored cold, you put it in the shade.

You see family reunions as a good chance to meet boys and your mother agrees.

You’ve ever had to get financing for a tattoo.

You’ve been married three times but your in-laws are still the same people.

Preparing a bubble bath involves beans for dinner.

Your fridge and you weigh is roughly the same.

You owe money at the dollar store.

The school encourages you to stay away from PTA meetings at your son’s school.

You can burp your name.

Q&A Redneck Jokes

Q: What does a redneck do when his dishwasher stops working?
A: Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work. How can you tell if a redneck is married? There is tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.

Q: What Happens When Southern People Can’t Talk Anymore?
A: They Go Through Withdrawal.

Q: What happens when you sing country music backwards?
A: You get your wife and job back.

Q: How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
A: Anyone else would have called it a “teethbrush”. What’s the difference between Virginia and West Virginia? In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it’s a misdemeanor.

Q. Why do ducks fly over Arlington upside down?
A. There’s nothing worth craping on!

Q: What are the only two seasons a Redneck can name?
A: Football and Construction.

Q: Why don’t they allow rednecks into Sea World?
A: Because fishing poles are not allowed!

Rednecks are so poor that if you visit them in the winter and fart secretly at their place, they will ask if someone turned on the heating.

How to keep a redneck entertained?
Give him a piece of paper and write on both sides: “Please turn over.”

This guy walks into a bar in Redneck county and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised and the bartender looks around and says: “You ain’t from around here, are ya… where ya from, boy?”

The guy says, “I’m from England.”
The bartender asks, “What th’ hell you do in England?”
The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender asks, “A taxidermist… now just what th’ hell is a taxidermist?”
The guy says, “I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!”

Two rednecks go on a fishing trip.

They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods; they spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”
The other guy says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”

There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence.

This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.
He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn’t he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence?
He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn’t realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: “CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN”

Bubba the redneck decided to save up and get a hang-glider.

He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge– into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin’ on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!
“Look at the size of that bird, Paw!” she exclaims.
Paw raises up,” Git my gun, Maw.”
She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG…BANG…..BANG…..BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.
“I think ya missed him, Paw,” she says.
“Yeah,” he replies, “but at least he let go of Bubba!”

Redneck Jokes Video

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